Understanding Executive Functioning and How to Support It
- Katie Benson
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
Picture this:
You’re sitting at the kitchen table with your second grader, helping him finish his most recent math assignment before it’s due the following day. He’s reviewing something he knows and has done before without any issue, but today you hear a constant refrain: “I can’t do it. It’s too hard.”
Did he suddenly forget his math skills? Is he refusing because he just doesn’t “want to”? Chances are, it’s neither of those things, and your child may be struggling with their executive functioning skills today.
What is Executive Functioning?
Executive functioning refers to neurological processes we develop over time to help us:
Start tasks
Remember steps
Shift between activities
Manage our emotions during change
Hold information in our brains in order to use it
No one is born with these skills fully developed. They are learned and strengthened over time, shaped by brain maturation and experience.
Facets of neurodivergent neurotypes—such as differences in processing speeds, heavier sensory loads, and increased regulation demands—can make developing these skills more challenging. However, independence in executive functioning skills does not develop overnight for any neurotype and often comes after access to appropriate tools, supports, and practice.
How to Support
External structure supports internal growth when learning any new skill, and the same is true of executive functioning. The more we internalize processes, the less we need external structure. In education, we call this “scaffolding.”
Think of a scaffold on a building. It’s a temporary structure built during construction or repair. Once the building is able to stand on its own, that ancillary structure is removed—but it can always be re-added if further work is needed.
We use the same technique when building the body of neuro-processes that form executive functioning. We build a base level of support and then gradually fade those supports as skills strengthen and the child moves toward independence.
Practical Supports
The foundation of executive functioning skills begins with a relationally and sensory-safe environment. A regulated child is a child who is ready to learn new skills, which is why attunement and coregulation must always come first. We’ve explored these concepts many times, and practical guidance can be found throughout our past blog posts and by attending our Coffee & Connections sessions.
Once that foundation is set, most additional supports fall into five distinct categories
1. Structure & Predictability
Sample supports:
Visual daily schedules
Consistent routines with clear start and end points
“First–Then” boards
What these help with:
Knowing what comes next
Reducing anxiety around transitions
Conserving mental energy for learning and regulation
Why this is important: Children, particularly neurodivergent children, often expend significant cognitive energy processing sensory input and social expectations. Predictable routines and visual schedules reduce the need to constantly interpret and anticipate, freeing executive functioning capacity for task completion and emotional regulation.
2. Task Initiation
Sample supports:
Breaking tasks into visible micro-steps
“Just do the first (or last) step” prompts
Body doubling (working alongside someone else)
What this helps with:
Getting started
Overcoming overwhelm
Reducing avoidance rooted in uncertainty
Why this is important: Task initiation is often the most demanding executive function. When the brain cannot clearly identify a starting point, or when a task feels too large, stress increases and access to executive functioning skills decreases.
3. Working Memory Supports
Sample supports:
Written or visual directions
Checklists, to-do lists, or step cards
Visual timers
What this helps with:
Following multi-step directions
Holding information long enough to act on it
Reducing frustration from forgotten steps
Why this is important: Children have a more limited working memory capacity than adults, particularly when experiencing stress or trauma. When information is held visually or externally, the brain no longer has to juggle multiple pieces of information at once.
4. Cognitive Flexibility & Transitions
Sample supports:
Countdown warnings (“Five more minutes”)
Visual transition cues
Previewing changes in advance
What this helps with:
Shifting between activities
Managing changes in plans
Recovering after interruptions
Why this is important: Transitions require rapid cognitive and emotional shifts, which are neurologically demanding. Advance notice and transition support give the brain time to prepare, reducing the shock that can trigger dysregulation.
5. Emotional Regulation & Recovery Time
Sample supports:
Scheduled breaks
Sensory supports (movement, quiet space)
Calm, attuned adult presence
What this helps with:
Staying regulated during challenges
Recovering after mistakes and stress
Maintaining access to executive functioning skills
Why this is important: Executive functioning and emotional regulation are deeply connected. When a child is dysregulated, executive skills are largely inaccessible. Providing regulation support and recovery time restores neurological safety, allowing those skills to return. (Okay, I lied—we talked about attunement and coregulation again. What can I say? It’s that important.)
Key Takeaway from All Five Sections
These supports must be provided before a child struggles, not after. They are scaffolds that help the brain build capacity over time.
A Personal Story About Executive Functionin in Adults
Many of us still need support, and that’s okay. Calendars, to-do lists, and alarm clocks are all executive functioning tools. The difference between using these tools as a child versus as an adult is that adults are often able to identify what they need and implement those supports independently. And if you don’t yet know which tools work best for you, that’s okay too. Try a few. See what works—and what doesn’t. You may be surprised.
Struggles with executive functioning are not a moral failing or an indication that you are somehow developmentally behind. Adults also experience fluctuating capacity in when and how we access executive functioning skills, and when we might need extra help. This is far more common than most people realize.
I (Katie) don’t often speak personally in our blog posts, but this topic is very near and dear to my heart. I experience significant challenges with my own executive functioning. For example, it typically takes me about 20 minutes to write the first draft of a blog post. As I write this sentence, I am now entering hour two of this task—and it has nothing to do with writer’s block or a sudden inability to write about the topic. I simply couldn’t get started. I was overwhelmed, and avoidance felt easier.
So what did I do? First, I self-regulated. I took a walk. I ate some food. I drank water and chatted briefly with coworkers. Then I sat down and wrote an outline. I don’t always need one, but today I did. From there, I worked through the outline one section at a time until I arrived here. I used the tools available to me and attuned to what my brain and body needed to complete the task. Maybe you can relate.
Moving Toward Independence
Returning to the scenario we started with—your second grader saying, “It’s too hard. I can’t do it.” Let’s imagine you’ve used some of these executive functioning tools in the past, or you have them available, but for whatever reason they’re not working today. That’s okay. Progress in executive functioning skills is often nonlinear, and adjusting expectations is part of the process. Yesterday he was fine. Today he needs more support. That’s still okay.
Maybe it was a long day at school. Maybe he didn’t sleep well. Maybe the tools that worked all through first grade need to be more targeted now that second grade is more demanding. Support needs change with age and development—and, here's my refrain again, that's okay too.
The most important thing to remember when teaching executive functioning skills (or any skills), especially when frustration creeps in, is this:
Relationships and safety matter more than independence timelines.
Supporting executive functioning is an act of attunement. Meet your child where they are today, in this moment. You can build from there.
And as always, if you need help navigating any of this, ACN is here for you.Have a great 2026!
