Cultivating Comfort and Community Through Presence This Holiday Season

The holidays are right around the corner. The weather has started to take a turn for the colder, stores everywhere have green and red decorations in every aisle, and downtown has been transformed by lights and bows into a winter wonderland we’re only allowed to see once a year. It’s easy to get caught up in the “magic” of the season, to step away from our individual troubles and dive headfirst into the special kind of chaos that only this particular time of year can bring.

This year, the holidays seem a little more dissonant than usual. Many of the families in our community are experiencing economic uncertainty; the World Health Organization has called for a drastic increase in global mental health services; and global stress has continued climbing since the pandemic. And yet—trees are still going up, candles are being lit, and we’re all somehow expected to craft the ‘perfect’ holiday experience.

In times like these, what actually makes us feel grounded is not more stuff. It’s more connection. In a world that feels increasingly chaotic, disconnected, and overwhelming, the most meaningful antidote is presence. Gifts and grand gestures are fleeting, but relational connections, shared belonging, and communal care have measurable impacts on well-being, resilience, and mental health – especially for neurodiverse families!

Volunteers wrap presents for the holidays at Volunteer & Celebration Day.

The Gift of Presence over Presents

We all feel the pressure to buy, perform, and entertain, but this is particularly true in neurodiverse households which combat pressures for conformity, targeted marketing, and the already exacerbated financial and emotional costs that come with raising a neurodivergent child. The good news is that we have a protection from this kind of stress built into our DNA, it’s the regulating power of community resilience and social connection. So how do we go about developing these relationships and cultivating these regulating systems? What does “presence” really mean? Does it mean we have to be founts of endless energy for our children or the “perfect” caregiver? No. The solution can be found in one word: attunement. 

At its core, attunement is about connection, not correction. It’s noticing, responding, and meeting your child where they are. It means following your child’s lead even when they want to watch the same Bluey video for the fifth time that morning. Being attuned means honoring those preferences that lead to small, shared moments worth celebrating.

The gift of presence is being there not only for your child, but with your child. You are both a model for self-regulation and their best co-regulator when the need arises. You provide them with shared activities based on their interests, predictable routines, and act as the primary relationally safe person in their lives.

Research in child development has demonstrated repeatedly that children thrive on stability and responsive relationships leading to positive longitudinal quality-of-life outcomes. Moreover, for caregivers, this type of responsivity reduces your own stress by strengthening your family bonds and providing you with a grounded relationship in your own life.

A mother actively engages with her son at a Fam Jam.

The Reality of a World That Feels Too Heavy

Right now, it can be incredibly hard to find the emotional capacity to be the calming presence our children need. Many caregivers feel stretched thin or isolated, sometimes even from the people they see every day.

And…

Sometimes, let’s be honest, it feels easier to seek out that isolation and maintain the status quo. You’re scared of being misunderstood and judged, so you stay home from a community event, or maybe that one time you went to see lights on the River Walk led to you feeling absolutely exhausted and burned out. It feels better in the moment to just stay home and stick to that routine, but long-term it can deepen the isolation.

Withdrawal can be a cyclical stress response. You withdraw from the world which leads to more stress and the cycle continues. The idea that we “have to” or even can “do it all alone” is a myth. Research shows that relationships are actually vital to our health, more important even than exercise or not smoking. Things like shared caregiving and community scaffolding increase self-efficacy and resilience in families.

So, in a world where we continue to feel increasingly disconnected it’s time to find a counterweight: community.

An ACN intern reads to a group of children as they participate in book-related sensory play at ACN's Fam Jam Goes to the Library.

Community as the Counterweight

Humans are wired for connection, and relational ecosystems support regulation. At ACN, we value community so much it’s part of our name. Our community programs are offered as a way to build connections, model co-regulation, and share support.

We strive to be a micro-community for neurodivergent families across San Antonio, and micro-communities matter more than you think. Micro-communities provide a safe place and space, one consistent program, maybe one other family who “gets it,” and these small communities can help to buffer global-scale stress.

If you are present for your child on an individual scale, the next step is to break the isolation loop. Show up to events and trainings. Share what you’ve found personally helpful during a virtual support group whether you need the community yourself that day or not. Provide comfort and co-regulation to another family at Fam Jam when it might be their first visit. These are all ways to build your community presence and maybe even more importantly to allow others a door to show up for you.

An ACN clinician holds a twin standing next to his mother and brother at a Fam Jam, so they can all enjoy the music.

Bringing it Together: Presence + Community = HOPE

Presence is the individual practice. Community is the collective one. Together they create resilience, belonging, and joy even in difficult times.

So, let’s cultivate hope this holiday season! Here are some ways to bring presence and community into your holiday season.

1.)   Choose one moment a day to be present with your child.

2.)   Reach out to one caregiver friend.

3.)   Attend one community gathering.

4.)   Rest when needed; connection includes caring for yourself.

And, let ACN help you. This holiday season, we’re offering the autism community our campus as a place of relational safety. Bring your kids to come play on our playground, give us a call or an email for resource assistance, attend our Caregiver Support Group and make new friends. Our programs are designed to help families build community and reduce isolation. You are not alone, and you never have to be.

A group of moms sit outside of ACN's SibShops and chat while they're children participate.

A Hopeful Holiday Message

The world will always be noisy. But presence — with our children, our neighbors, and ourselves — is the light that cuts through the noise. ACN wishes you and your family support, community, and peace this season and every season. Happy Holidays.